The MCDST Windows certification - your first step to becoming the apple of I.T's eye

You, my precious, are on the road to becoming the gift of high intellect. You are taking baby steps into becoming truly unbearable - an I.T professional that knows more than mere mortals.

Yes. This is most likely going to be your first job. The Microsoft Certified Desktop Support Technician (MCDST) Windows certification will get you one of those jobs where you will be in constant contact with lesser mortals (users).

You will be the fix-it guy/girl. Someone these poor minions will look up to for guidance. And from your place up high on the throne, you will bail them out of their XP troubles.

But beware of some of these groupies. Some will try to imitate you and think they know more than you! Pierre Beaumarchais captures their logic in one sentence:

"It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them".

Yes. And they will argue with you. So what to do you? How do you show them who is boss?

Easy.

You see our big, fat certification books don't only fill your head with knowledge to pass the exam. They become a big, fat bag of tricks. They are our bible - the bible of the nerd. So you are not going to explain things like Albert Einstein did when asked to describe the radio:

"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way, you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."

Some might understand what you are saying. And we don't want that. The language of the nerd is one of the most beautiful languages in the universe. So as Harry S Truman once said:

"If you cannot convince them, confuse them"

But first set the stage. Go to the bathroom before you do this and practice for a few minutes in front of the mirror. Practice tone of voice, body language and facial expressions. Good customer service is all about showing all these in your voice. And then get back on the phone to them.

In a low, I-don't-believe-what-you-just-did type of voice, whisper. "Oh my God, you got an 0xC0000005 error!!!!". Now you know that this is only an access violation error which has most probably to do with faulty RAM. Easily fixed by you the genius but to them, it will seem like they nearly blew up their computer.

Now try another one.

"You got what?" Scream into the phone if the boss isn't nearby. "How on earth did you mange to get an An C00D1199 Error!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!"

Now you know that this is just a Windows Media Player Error, again not a big deal to fix. So make it sound like they nearly destroyed the world.

Tip: When quoting errors, use numbers. We forget numbers so they won't remember to look it up and realize that you are putting their leg. And remember...

"When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are in confederacy against him" -- Jonathan Swift

Yes my precious. The more dunces around you, the smarter you appear. So you will excel in help desk support. Enjoy your MCDST windows certification and the job that comes with it.